Let loose

“I’m so happy ’cause today I’ve found my friends…”

I’ve been going through a lot of stress recently. Atmosphere at work isn’t the best – to say the least. There is more managers than staff. They are walking around, watching your every move, sniffing. This is all they do all day long. They rotate so one day you see a person, next day there is somebody else instead. They approach you: “What is your name”? trying to look at your name badge, wrinkling their noses when reading it, never waiting for your reply. You, of course, don’t speak English, can’t talk for yourself, you are too slowly  answering. You never get to know their names, managers don’t introduce themselves. I know their names by eavesdropping how other managers or supervisors address them. I am not sure if I am allowed their first names since officially I never met them. “Oh, ok, Edie, do me a favour, please and do…” – they usually just want you to stop doing what you are doing  at the moment and to start doing something else.

Another story is our GM – general manager. He displays our rota on friday afternoons (today at 3pm I took a photo of an empty wall, not decorated with freshly printed rota). At such a time it is too late to plan anything, to arrange or rearrange, to confirm or to cancel. Once the rota is displayed we can be sure he will change it three times during the week, expecting us to catch up and simply adjust our plans. We can do it, because we make no plans, have no husbands, have no progeny to take care off, no pets and no partners, we are too dumb to have hobbies. We dream only of being in this hospital’s restaurant, of doing 12 hrs shifts, of not being forced to have weekends off.

Our shifts have been changed – our GM now wants us to start at 6.30 am instead at 7 am and we can no longer have 2 x 15 minutes breaks – one of them early to eat breakfast since you start too early to eat at home. We have to wait till 11.30, when the next shift starts work. he expects us to keep working for 5 hrs swaying at the till, almost fainting. I fought for my breakfast, and I was allowed to have quick 5 minutes just to drop something in my stomach. The other day I just sneaked out to eat. That looks like stomach ulcers coming my way.

My holiday form for July remains unsigned, so are other forms for other dates. So are other people’s forms. They will be pushing these unused holidays down our throats on between january and march 2015. We can’t have them when we want or need them. When we are tired.

Anyway, I’ve called off sick on monday and Tuesday. I am stressed and I am not the only one. I had a sort of nervous breakdown on monday when I was crying on the phone to my GP.  I am going to see her next Tuesday.

On Wednesday I decided to go back to work – but still feeling stressed; what will they say, what will he say – our god-manager (GM). If I will have to do the “return to work” form with him… Luckily, I filled it with Maria. And I had little helpers – the quote at the beginning is about it. Or about them.

Those are pale yellow pastilles, hidden in a happy yellow metal box, that opens with a click! They are correctly named Rescue Pastilles. They are a peace of mind locked in a sweet candy. I felt as I was floating in a bubble. But my peace of mind has its catch. My peace is threatened:

Excessive consumption may have a laxative effect.

End of the quote. I can’t let myself live to the full, to be excessively relaxed and happy, as too much of these positive feelings would give me shits. I need to stay in control of myself. I can choose between being stressed, depressed (and well dressed) and being constantly constipated. If I let the stress go, my sphincter will let go.

I don’t know what to say more.

I will keep you updated on it 🙂


One thought on “Let loose

  1. Pingback: Somewhere between relief and pangs of consience | Life of a Catering Assistant

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